We’ve closed Year 2, and it was all that everyone tells you it is; harsh and hard and just sucky.
I’ve posted this on a community site I frequent, and thought I would share it here, too. As for this site, and it’s future, I don’t know what I will do, but I hope you will stay tuned.
we’ve made it through Year 2
in some ways more difficult; that surreal sense of unreality and cloud of pain diminishes and you have the harsh reality that your beloved is really not here. So many teary days.
in some ways healing; I can take deeper breaths, and I can clearly see how close the Lord has walked with me through this
some other losses:
– the Barb that I was…I know there are changes, and I can’t necessarily put a finger on them, but I miss her
– i haven’t been able to do what I hoped my website would be, and that’s okay
– i haven’t been able to write; I don’t know if that will come back, and that’s okay
– the dream/hope/desire of my “perfect family” is gone (weddings, family meals, etc)…that’s hard, but okay
– i accept hard things much easier
– i go to Jesus quicker; sometimes not first, still, but quicker
– I’m learning to love my “new” self and have grace with myself
Kassandra’s friends came by to drop off flowers; purple roses 💜
one of them told me she’s been sober 2 years and that she was sorry for the part she played in Kassandra’s abuse 😭😭😭😭 we cried and I told her that she was not to blame herself